Boy-friends and Bombshells

As of a few hours ago I was hanging out in the Library with the gays (Gianluca, Kurt and later on Aaron). While on facebook, I received a message from an unexpected person. The message “hello,” short, sweet with a hint of awkwardness on my part from none other than Jack. This has been the first communication with the ex since the time we parted ways.

Anecdote: It had been over a month since Jack and I have seen each other, I was in college and he had started a rigorous junior year of high school. When his school had an in-service day, he asked to come up to visit. I of course said “YES!”, my intentions were to show this hunk of a man off to my college friends. Little did I know his motivations were much different.…Skip ahead…. I was on the sidewalk on my razor scooter, when he pulled up, I said hello and got in the car. We didn’t kiss. He parked. After some intense beating around the bush I told him to tell me “what’s on your mind?” He answered, “I cant be with you any more…….”

I know, I know heart breaking… But it was a clean break. I mean I expected it to come. And it was even better that he did it in person, because that is just the type of boy he is (upright, honest, good hearted). I know it sounds like I was in love with him. For a time I was. At least I think I was. I can’t say that I think I know what love is, but I know how I felt, and he always made me feel good (emotionally, mentally and physically). I see now that were more than just physicality, but that seems to be what I tell myself to spare myself the loss. Back to my story. So unexpectedly I was talking to Jack. Of course me being the ex, I had to know, “was he with any one new?” His answer was that he was interested. In a GIRL!!! Someone I know. I congratulated him, we learned about the nuances of each other’s lives and I told him about Kurt. The conversation ended civilly and we promised to talk again soon.

Later on my way back home I was contemplating. Thinking about my time with jack. The first time we kissed. Made love. Gushy stuff like that. Then I pictured him kissing Suzzana (my name is so much better), it didn’t feel right. I am jealous. I miss the feeling of the stability. The relationship. I want it back. Why can’t I have a messy break up so I can hate the guy, instead of being trapped in nice-guy limbo? Why am I jealous, I haven’t thought about Jack in weeks? Why now?

What you may or may not know about me …..

I don’t eat gluten, dairy or strawberries.. I have been told to blame my mother for my allergies, but I just think it makes me eccentrically cool. I hate war movies, but I love scary movies. I know all the lyrics to spring awakening. Kyle XY is my future husband. I am in a fraternity. I am one of two openly gay members. I love the gays. I ran cross-country during high school; I was captain, I want to have Harry Potter’s (not Daniel Radcliffe’s) children. I dressed up as puck for Halloween. My friend Kayla has really good smelling perfume. Parasites freak me out. I drink mass amounts of water. Drinking soda I can’t see through is unacceptable. I love to doodle. I love my family. I talk to my mom once a day. I have been told that I have style but I don’t have a style. Italian is my favorite food. I only eat yellow curry when I get thai. My back is incredibly sensitive. I lost my virginity this summer to a 6 foot four jew. I have poor circulation so my feet are always cold. The most expensive article of clothing I own is my running shoes (150$). I can do the splits. I love skittles but more importantly Mike and Ikes are the shit. I still have close friends from first and second grade. I want to be a doctor. I bake and cook. I have been told I would make a good chemistry teacher. I was on the academic decathlon team. I can name all 206 bones in the human body. I love to shower, what boy doesn’t. I have been in many fights…. All with a referee. I absolutely love Sally Field. I was fat as a kid… now I have a 26 inch waist. Driving scares the hell out of me.. I have a design of colorful flyers on my wall. My patronus is a wolf. By the way I love harry potter. My right ankle cracks when I walk up stairs. I am 5 foot six and ¾ inches and I wish I were 5.8. My legs and ass are 100% muscle. My knees inflame after I run. I have an over tolerance of ibuprofen. I have never broken a bone. I am atheist. I trip at least 5 times a day. I sing though I shouldn’t. Comfortable clothing is the best. I own 5 pairs of sweats. Sometimes when I do homework I watch Harry Potter 3 to get me in the studying mood. I love to kiss. My freckles do not cover my entire body. I am a nerd. I was threatened by a 40 year old when I was 15. I am a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. Like I said, I am a nerd. I brought an apron with me to college. I love to take pictures. I collect Buddha statues. When I went to Hawaii I got heat stroke during a half marathon and the stomach flu afterward. My family has terrible genetics. I have no self-confidence when it comes to boys. I brought wine glasses to school, I hate wine. The taste of alcohol makes me sick. I have been drunk once in my life, and it was with my 15 year old brother. I’ve had sex three times. Almost all my underwear is white briefs. I have worn a live-strong bracelet since 6^th grade. My feet have not grown since 6^th grade. I played the flute and alto saxophone for five years. I won a school wide competition for web design... I forgot it all. I have been told that I am a good person, but I don’t believe it.

Anthropology introspection

I have been domesticated…. I guess… but aren’t we all to some extent. Speaking of myself I recognize that I am culturally driven to an ideal. Ideal, concept, wish, thought; semantics, it doesn’t matter what you call it, most of us are looking for the same thing. I am looking for success and stability (hierarchy of needs much?). Shallow I know, but what do you expect, we are intrinsically selfish. Altruism is the characteristic of the minority.