Dollar Sign $-$

The idea of money flickers through my mind every now and then. Lately it has been shoved down my throat. I hate it so much. I feel like a dollar sign, expected to shell out cash left and right in order to be part of the world. In my house (fraternity) at meetings all I hear is "you'll be fined for" this or that. It's just ridiculous, I didn't know that I would need money to fit in. To be able to be comfortable. I realize now that money is everything. It's entertainment. Travel. Being in high school this stuff was always in the back of my head. But now that I am in the real world. . . everything is so real, and expensive.

To live is to have money. I hate that so much. All I want to do is go to school, and eventually help people. I am so excited to be leaving the fraternity. I am not very good at taking orders from so called "brothers", I don't like being told to do this or that, and if I don't do it I am fined or punished. Especially when it includes me "having" to purchase a 45 dollar sweatshirt and if I didn't order I would be fined, and if I didn't want to pay I would be fined. God damn money why do you make me so crazy.

I suffer from Monetary Anxiety. Money freaks me out. I don't like it. I don't like the fact that I have to take out a loan every quarter just to live in seattle. Or that my schooling isn't completely covered when it should be. Or that I have to pay out of pocket for medication because my family can't afford medical insurance. I hate the fact that my mother and father can't get the surgeries that they need. I hate the fact that I haven't seen the dentist in 9 years. Or that next year I am on my own. What happened to the idea of the broke college student. I thought that was a constant. Yet I am still expected to pay for things I neither want nor need. I live for necessity. If I don't want it I won't get it, this is why I hate hate hate shopping. I think things will be better when the money isn't so pertinent. As of now however it is consuming my life. It scares me so much.