Not so sure.

Beginnings?

The unknown is never really something I have ever been a fan of... or my past for a matter of fact. All I know is where I am right now and what is going on in my life. I know that my recent ex is now dating his best friend (a girl) and someone I don't even know what to call is back in town (not too happy about that either). I know that I am not too happy but at times I have these sudden breaks where everything feels good, but as quickly as it comes it's gone.

For the most part I just feel... here, and no where else. I am stuck in my head. I think, re-think and over think everything in my life to the extent that I don't know which analysis to go with.~~ I can't tell what you feel or what you think, and that kinda drives me insane, but I keep the course and hope that something will come out of it. ~~

Stop

Stop
What are you doing?
Stop
Please don’t
Stop
You aren't ready
Stop
I want to be ready
Stop
I am ready?
Stop
Stay
Stop
Kiss me
Stop

Clean slate

To start over, to have a clean slate, such simple concepts but in reality are much more difficult to employ. My life for the past few months has been for a lack of a better word gray. The ups and downs of my past relationship have fell to the waste side. There were moments were I have never felt weaker and moments that I have never felt stronger. My heart is still wounded, I can feel it, but I am healing; patching up the tears and sealing the cracks till it once again works properly. Now I wait. I wait and pick up my life little by little everyday. I have reached equilibrium of blah, nothing good nothing bad but at least there is something there. I am not really sure what that means. I don’t know where my life is going and that scares me. I am someone who lives in rigidity. Schedules and plans are comforting to me yet now I have to go on without one. Embracing the now.

Whatever...

Tuesday, 3 am
Once again I’m wide awake.
Waiting for this time to mend this heart of mine,
That keeps on breaking.
Newspapers I throw away
Wash the dishes in the sink
3am, on Tuesday
I have to much time to think.

I could call out to heaven I could crawl down through hell
Nothing will change the way the way they are, and nothing every will

He thinks I can’t hear him cry
And I pretend I don’t know all about the 3 am’s he spend wrestling with your ghost.

I hear him call out to heaven, I watch him crawl down through hell
He still can’t get over you
I know he never will

Nothing he says can bring you back
He’s got nothing left to show
But a pocket watch and memories
For that kiss out in the snow

I hear him call out to heaven, I watch him crawl down through hell
He still can’t get over you
I know he never will

I hear him call out to heaven, I watch him crawl down through hell
He still can’t get over you
I know he never will.